How to make a Kingdom Hearts Fic in 10 Steps
by Chi21
Summary: This is really rated pg. But I only read PG13 no matter what, so... Hilarious step by step instructions giggles
1. Crummy Brain Hurting Time

How To Make a KH Fan Fic in 10 Steps  
By Chi21  
  
Although this does not have anything to do with KH, I do not own Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Chapter 1~ Dreaming Up the Story  
  
So you want to make your own Kingdom Hearts fic? Or you really want to share this little itty bitty piece of info with everyone you caught in the game? Or you want to criticize the game beyond all reason? Or you just really want to show everyone what a "great" typer you are? Or you're just really bored cuz you're skipping school and you beat the game and already ate a whole package of Oreos?  
  
I'll teach ya!  
  
But of course this is only if you really want to learn. You can only read this for pleasure if you're already an expert at writing fanfics, like Aniiston. ~Maiselph is the best story ever. Read it if you ever get a chance but make sure you'll have time. Just go see it, you'll see what I meant. Thankies for writing such an awesome story Aniiston ^o^ ~ .... What was that all about?! Okay anyways...  
  
Step 1) Brainstorm. This does not mean having your friend dump a bucket of water on your head for rain while sticking your finger in a light socket for lightning. This means playing the game 24/7 and listening to the soundtrack long enough to dream about it. Actually that isn't brainstorming, either. Cuz I am in the middle of a fic and I have no idea what is on the Soundtrack and furthermore do not even own the game. Although me and my friend have been obsessed with the game since its release date, and I play it everytime I go over her house. Which is often. But my brother is getting it soon... Pressure, pressure! Are you reading this, big bro?  
  
Brainstorm. If you wanna write a romance, decide what your pairing will be. And stick to it, unless it's gonna be the Young and the Heartless instead of the Young and the Restless. If you're going for angst, plot some good murders and... please give Kairi a bloody one. ~ That was for you, Mew Friendie! ~ Just forget that. Inside joke. Anyways, if you would rather make your readers sob and cry and fall into a depression so deep that they stab themselves with their handmade keyblades, go for tragedy. Once again I beg you kill Kairi.  
  
Some helpful things to do are make a list, write some things down on paper, or just skip this entire step and forget everything you just read. Make it up as you go. This is my favorite way to do this but...  
  
Step 2) Start typing! We know your witch-like comp teacher killed you with all kinds of programs, but hold onto your heart for a second- these will actually come in handy!!! Sorry I absolutely love italics. Your typing classes that you failed will help you get your ideas out of your crummy brain and onto the compooter screen in seconds. Unfortunately, I am obviously giving credit to my typing teachers ~who all oddly resembled witches~ and I do not like to give credit to people unless they truly deserve it. ~Aniiston deserved it!~  
  
Even if your Esc key is missing and you store dead flies there, type anyway. ~f.y.i. my Esc key is seriously missing. Um, about the flies...~ You need to publicize this great stuff! Do you hear me? PUBLICIZE! That means type! Yes! Get off the KH special edition pillow and controller and get typing!  
  
Step 3) Decide how long your chapters are going to be. Are they gonna be really long? Or will they be 2-liners that everyone at ff.net will have kicked out of there faster than you can say, 'the end?' Okay, so they can be 20 mages long if you want them to be. ~That was a typo, no pun intended!~ pages. Or they can be a few. Its all up to how many days you wanna skip school a week! This chapter will be really short cuz I have to go to school every day!  
  
Also, you want to decide on some basic plot points. What will happen from the beginning through the end? How will you maneuver your little pawns to make these events happen and fit each piece into the wonderful puzzle we call a story? ~Actually no one calls them stories. They are fics.~ This goes along with the brainstorming part.  
  
After thinking over and typing up some basic plot twists in your chicken scratch type that only you can read, yer rdy 2 move on2 ch2 + stps 4-5!  
  
*******************  
  
You have no reason to review this. Unless it actually helped you out and put some joy and peace in your life... See you next chapter! Oh, by the way, I just got KH! But I bought it. I'm at the soon, Kairi, soon (hehehe) part. I saw all the important videos, though, cuz my friend showed em all to me. 


	2. Experimenting with very weird stories

How to Write a Kingdom Hearts Fic in 10 Steps By Chi21  
  
Chapter 2- Some Examples and Critiquing  
  
~Note to self- look that word up in a dictionary!~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.  
  
R&R, peeps!  
  
Step 4) Figure out how to make your story better. Yes, even better than that. I said BETTER!  
  
Below is a sample of a fic that never has been written. It is in script form, but I will demonstrate a story form afterwards. ***  
  
Riku: Kairi, come share a paopu with me!  
  
Kairi: Only if I can ask you a question first.  
  
Riku: What?  
  
Kairi: What posessed you to think I would ever in my right peanut-sized mind share a paopu with you, of all people?!  
  
Riku: Ansem.  
  
Kairi: *picks up a paopu* here. *Stuffs it down Riku's thrat*  
  
Riku: *picks up a keyblade* huwwe. * Stuffs it down Kairi's throat*  
  
Kairi and Riku looked at each other with their mishapen throats.  
  
***  
  
Okay, so that was the sample. Now, I'm gonna go through and spell check it.  
  
As you can see, I said "Riku's thrat" instead of "Riku's throat." This obviously needs corrected.  
  
After I'm done with that, I can look through and see if there is a place where I can make better words. I mean, use better vocabulary.  
  
I suppose I could've used "shoved" instead of "stuffed." I also could've had Kairi go through some serious pain, like maybe DEATH! *thinking evil thoughts*  
  
Below is a story format for the same sample.  
  
***  
Riku grabbed Kairi's arm.  
"Kairi, come share a paopu with me," he pleaded. Kairi turned around to face him.  
"Only if I can ask you a question first," the crimson-haired girl replied.  
"What?" Riku asked.  
"What posessed you to think that I would ever in my right peanut-sized mind share a paopu with you, of all people?" she asked suddenly. Riku was shocked for a minute, but he quickly came up with an answer.  
"Ansem," Riku remarked. Kairi picked up a small star-shaped fruit.  
"Here," she said. She stuffed the paopu down Riku's throat, with some satisfaction.  
Although he could barely talk, for his neck was now deformed into a pointy collar, Riku replied, "Huwwe." He took out a keyblade and shoved it down Kairi's throat. Now she appeared to have a two-pronged right and a chocobo-shaped left. The two teens stared at each other for several moments.  
  
***  
  
I don't see any spelling mistakes, but I think the next to last sentence was kind of confusing and choppy.  
  
As far as better writing goes, I would add some more adjectives like:  
  
"What?" Riku asked incredulously.  
  
Um, I might need to spell-check that. I don't have a clue what it means, but it sounds cool. Gotta go get the dictionary.  
  
Mew Friendie: I can't even say that word!  
  
But other than that, it was okay.  
  
Step 5) If you haven't registered at ff.net, you need to do so at this point. It's really simple, and if you don't have an email address, just put your friend's. That's what I did! ~J/K Mew Friendie!~ Also you should create a profile. This is relatively easy to do. If you are good at following directions and not going off-topic. Both of which I am terrible at doing. ~Spams are your friends.~  
  
Also, if you are stuck at a part or your story could use a good kick, check out some other stories for ideas. Ideas only! I hate copycats!  
  
Or you could use the alternative choice of going to a bar and taking so many shots you get light-headed, just to think about some topics or get some fresh... er smokey air.  
  
This goes along with the brainstorming part once again. From this point further, I am not going to mention if brainstorming applies. Because brainstorming is a hard word to type and I am about to put it on the "copy" button and paste it every time I need it. brainstorming!brainstorming!brainstorming!brainstorming!  
  
*****************  
  
Telephone conversation:  
  
Sui: It's Mew Suika, not Mew Friendie! Kazumi: Who's writing this fic, me or you?! Sui: I hate Friendie! Kazumi: Don't make me badmouth you! Sui: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *sobbing* Kazumi: You are acting like Kairi!! Sui: *instantly stops crying* *foams at mouth* Kazumi:Kairi...childbirth....lemons!!!Hehehe... Sui: *flicks eyebrow* *lowers eyebrow* * raises eyebrow* EYEBROWS!! At this point, the girls 'dissolved into giggles.' The parents of both Mew Suika and Mew Kazumi came in and yelled at the girls until they disintergrated.  
  
Please review so I can tell Suika that I got more reviews than she ever will! Also do me a favor and look up the word "disintergrated" in your dictionary. I love you! 


	3. Getting very bored with this fic

How to Write a Kingdom Hearts Fic in 10 Steps  
  
By Chi21  
  
Chapter 3- Adding Some Personal Style  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Are we ready to begin the third part in our little lessons of hilarious boredom? Let's hope so!  
  
Step 6) Now is your chance to go through and add a little 'you.' If you are writing in script and you want all of the words that come out of Kairi's (very large) mouth to be red, do so! I don't know if they will show up that way on the net or not, I haven't tried it. Don't kill me, I said I would teach you, I didn't say I was an expert on writing fics or anything. *coughancoughiicoughstoncough* did you catch that? hehe...  
  
So anyways, if you are mysteriously very much like me ~like maybe you feel like trying all my beauty tips and good looks (okay so I don't always hate copycats!)~ you might use italics or bold or bold italic.  
  
Let me mention at this time that it was a pain in the butt to write that last sentence because I don't have a mouse cuz SOMEONE ~who looks alot like a big brother of mine...~ took my mouse for his new computer program. So I had to go:  
  
alt  
  
(down)  
  
font  
  
tab  
  
regularitalics  
  
okay well if you have wordpad try it out and see what I mean. But it took me like ten minutes to write six words.  
  
It got really boring. But now if I could actually stay on topic, I would tell you how to do step 7. Which I am about to do. I am about to tell you how to do step 7. That's right. I will. Sometime this year. Maybe.  
  
Mew Suika: On with the fic! Kazumi: I will hang up on you if you continue telling me how to write this fic!  
  
Step 7) Start doing some serious revising. This means reading your fic or chapter thousands of times and having your friend listen to it on the telephone. On second thought, that was kind of a bad choice in my case...  
  
~You asked for it, Sui!!~  
  
If your friend has some ideas, you might want to jot them down and later apply them. I know, I know, your fic couldn't be any better, you're a perfect writer, and what does your friend know, anyways? But we all tend to... shall we say, overestimate how we write and the quality of it? So your friend may know some tips.  
  
It is also great to hear your friends laugh at a funny part or crack up when you go over an inside joke of yours you just couldn't help but put in the fic.... Does "eyebrows" ring any bells? ~Suika and I found it hilarious, for our own reasons.... eyebrows! hehehe~  
  
Sometimes if you read through it, you catch a typo or a page that could've been much better. MUCH better. On the other hand, if you read it too many times, your face turns green from the glare of the computer screen and you skip those typos because you read over it way too much. You know you're obsessed with it when:  
  
a) you say, "Oh no! The Destiny Islands!" When you see a shooting star. b) you seriously believe Riku is a girl. c) you refuse to visit beaches for fear of... well, let's just leave it at "fear." d) you start using the phrase "lemon" in your everyday life. e) all the above.  
  
Okay... um I think Suika and I apply to just about everything.  
  
Step 8) Make sure all your data and stories and crap and all those little things you find so hilarious that everyone else laughs at for sheer stupidity is saved on your compooter. Hopefully you have your own computer, cuz otherwise you'll have to save it within a hundred folders under a password that no one will ever think of like maybe... "keyblade" or "princess."  
  
Actually I don't even know if that is possible. But you need to save all your info down. Duh! Anyways, we are coming very close to the publishing part! Grab your laptops and get ready!  
  
Step 9) In order to do this step, that involves brainstorming, ~ I lied. Sue me.~ you may have to stare at your KH personalized desktop for a while or drool over the Little Blond Kid of the KH trailer ~Suika:*lowers eyebrows*~ OR you can take your strategy guide opened to the page with Squall on it to bed with you.  
  
This step is coming up with a decent title and summary. You can call it something stupid, like "Kingdom Hearts," or you can call it something very evil and wonderful and catchy like, "The Day Riku Maimed Kairi With a Land Mine and Then Suffocated Her."  
  
Come to think of it, the second you finish reading this fic, do a story called "The Day Riku Maimed Kairi With a Land Mine and Then Suffocated Her."  
  
~And by the way, Suika and I had along discussion on what "maimed" means.~  
  
(Real) Telephone Conversation:  
  
Suika: The Day Riku WHAT Kairi? Don't tell me you were talking about a lemon!  
  
Kazumi: Noooo! Maimed!  
  
Suika: Maned?  
  
Kazumi: No, maimed!  
  
Suika: Named?  
  
Kazumi: Maimed!  
  
Suika: As in, m-a-m-e-d?  
  
Kazumi: M-a-i-m-e-d.  
  
Suika: Oh. Okay, I'll go look it up.  
  
As far as the summaries go, I am a person who is attracted to things that sound hilarious or romantic. Or anything that involves the death of Kairi. ~which was my only ambivalent thought of Maiselph.~  
  
I know what this big word means!  
  
Ambivalence (am-bi'-vuh-lens)/n/- the feeling of having a strong liking of or attraction to, while simultaneously hating or disliking.  
  
That means I loved Maiselph while hating the fact Kairi lives.  
  
Sorry...  
  
Make your summary as interesting as possible, but I swear, if you give away the ending in your summary, I will kill you! Don't be an idiot!  
  
*********** Review if you must.... 


	4. My first Hilarious Fic is Finally over!

How To Write a Kingdom Hearts Fic in 10 steps  
  
By Chi21  
  
Chapter 4 - Getting it out to Everyone Else  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Nor do I own anything! I am broke! Suika practically gave me this compooter! Which is why it runs like crap! How do you think I could actually own something like Kingdom Hearts?!!!  
  
Step 10) This is the very tricky part. No fun. You gotta select all your basics, like Title and Summary. But the browsing part can be complicated. You're on your own, cuz I suck at it and I get lost everytime. Also: If you are doing script, MAKE SURE YOU SAY POEM FORM!!!!! The first time I ever made a fic I had a script and I clicked Story format and it bunched the whole chapter into a little paragraph!!!  
  
I cannot stress that enough. So after you do all that 'fun' stuff, you should go back and check it out. Read your story from the website. You may have to search a little, especially if you are a new writer. Why else would you be reading this unless you are a beginner, *coughSuicoughka*, cuz I told you at the beginning of this fic to read this for pleasure only if stories already make sense to you!  
  
At this moment, we interrupt your presentation for a news-breaking anouncement: Riku is a girl!!! We are sure it will come out in all your little 'Kingdom Hearts Official Newletters' really soon! Now, we will return you to your presentation.  
  
I really wish I could learn how not to write off-topic. Maybe Suika will make a fic called "How to Make A KH fic ON-TOPIC for More than 20 Lines in 10 Steps!"  
  
I hope I helped all you desperate little gremlins come up with some decent five-liners! I still haven't looked "critiquing" or "incredulously" up in the dictionary! I will miss reading this story over the phone to Suika cuz she will be a loyal friend and read it every day on the website and memorize it, won't she? I'll miss you guys!  
  
I love you!  
  
***** Review!!! Review!!! Review!!! 


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